You died to save them... { he pauses at that, repeating facts back at her. }
How... How would you feel if you inadvertedly caused the death of people you cared about instead? That your actions caused them harm, or just... just getting close to you inevitably caused the scales to balance in favour of causing them that harm?
[She studies Aventurine for a few moments, then gently takes his hand.]
I think... I would feel guilty. Worry that people who cared about me would be harmed simply by the very act of doing so. But... [Her fingers squeeze around his hand.]
I don't believe that such things must be inevitable. And I think... that someone in such a position would be deserving of compassion. Perhaps the most deserving, since they would likely find it most difficult to show it to themselves.
The moment I was born I was blessed with... good fortune. But such a blessing comes for a price. What was supposed to be something of hope for my clan, led to their demise. I don't... I don't know why it was me, why I was chosen. All I know is that since I was born, everything has been...
[It's a cruel kind of blessing and yet, she knows of its kind. Her other hand curls around their linked ones.]
No, nothing.
[Truth be told they have barely talked about him, though as much as Guizhong enjoys gossip she thinks something like this would be better coming from the man himself.]
Mm. { it's a small hum, nothing much to give anything away. } In that case, I may as well say. It isn't as though there's any point hiding it. Most... people back home know. After all, genocide leaves a mark on the universe.
{ there's no light way of saying it. }
Sigonia, where I was born, was a desert planet. Most of us were in nomadic tribes. When I was a child the IPC made a deal with the Avgins, they were supposed to protect us. { the implication probably says enough } ...I'm probably the last one.
{ he blinks, looks away from guizhong, avoids her eyes. instead they lower, and his hand pulls away from hers to move to his neck. }
{ his hand pulls at his collar, showing off the mark there. }
I was captured, passed from owner to owner, until I made a grand bet and landed myself a role within the IPC. People like me don't have the luxury of a happy ending, Guizhong. But... I want to stop other people getting caught in the crossfire if I can help it.
He gets another hug then, as she pulls him down to her instead of moving to reach him. Her fingers move gently into his hair, scritching softly against his scalp.]
I'm sorry, little one. That things have been so hard for you.
{ his throat feels tight when she pulls him down to her. doesn't fight it, for as much as his words are what they are, he craves it. wants to sink into the warmth, wants to be reassured. he bites his lip now he's twisted so guizhong can't see it. exhales. }
Recently... there have been people who made me realise life can be worth living, but for a long time... I've just wanted it to be over. { he pauses } No matter how much I gambled on my life though, it never happened.
{ he doesn't even know where gaiathra triclops fits into the aeons for sure. generations of stories and no one outside of their own system knows of the mother goddess. but.
it isn't all that important, not really. }
I want to believe it. { he inhales, sharp, keeps his eyes shut. } But every one tends to leave when they realise it's more hassle than it's worth.
{ his hair was fine, that was nice and soothing. it was something he could lean into. it's when her hands move to his back she'll feel and see the way he freezes up, flinches at the first touch before it relaxes. as though he has to remind himself of who is there, who is touching him there. }
I... I've got that impression, yeah. { he tries to talk as he had though, keeps his voice steady and laughs in a way thaat's a juxtaposition to his body language. ]
My friends often found it terribly vexing. [She hums softly, not mentioning at all that she felt how he flinched but shifting her hand back up to the back of his head.]
Though I have never been one to change for such things. [A little kiss against his hairline.] You can be quite certain of that.
{ her words now ring a little too close to home, but he also knows that she doesn't have the same issues he has. there's a small flare of envy, wishing he could be that carefree with his heart but no. the best he can get away with is fucking feelings away. so.
so that's that. the yearning continues. }
There's a lot of people who would disagree with you on that, but... I've said enough for today.
{ this time when he laughs it's a bit lighter, but still strained. }
That depends, is there anything you wanted to share to even out the scales?
{ at least he doesn't avoid her eyes, but. she probably still won't be happy with what he says next. }
And don't worry about it, talking about what's happened won't change the past. And you really don't need to know the... unpleasant details. It's fine. This is just another setback, a loss in a string of wins. Next time it'll go better.
Mm, you have to let me leave some sense of mystery, Miss Guizhong.
{ she can probably tell that even if he's smiling, he's still not okay too. his head hurts, his heart hurts. he's tired. not in the sense of sleepiness, a deeper exhaustion that drags you into the quicksand. }
And I'd be worried if they did. Still... you said something about being an immortal being or something like that... what does that mean? You just live longer? Don't you get tired of it all?
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Date: 2025-12-25 01:52 pm (UTC)I see. And that's... when you died?
{ at least his voice softens as he asks this. }
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Date: 2025-12-25 01:57 pm (UTC)Yes.
[She doesn't seem upset by it. It's simply something that is.]
And the resulting release of my power covered the escape of my people. As I knew it would.
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Date: 2025-12-25 02:05 pm (UTC)How... How would you feel if you inadvertedly caused the death of people you cared about instead? That your actions caused them harm, or just... just getting close to you inevitably caused the scales to balance in favour of causing them that harm?
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Date: 2025-12-25 02:43 pm (UTC)I think... I would feel guilty. Worry that people who cared about me would be harmed simply by the very act of doing so. But... [Her fingers squeeze around his hand.]
I don't believe that such things must be inevitable. And I think... that someone in such a position would be deserving of compassion. Perhaps the most deserving, since they would likely find it most difficult to show it to themselves.
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Date: 2025-12-25 03:59 pm (UTC){ he trails off }
Has Boothill told you anything about my history?
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Date: 2025-12-25 04:25 pm (UTC)No, nothing.
[Truth be told they have barely talked about him, though as much as Guizhong enjoys gossip she thinks something like this would be better coming from the man himself.]
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Date: 2025-12-25 04:39 pm (UTC){ there's no light way of saying it. }
Sigonia, where I was born, was a desert planet. Most of us were in nomadic tribes. When I was a child the IPC made a deal with the Avgins, they were supposed to protect us. { the implication probably says enough } ...I'm probably the last one.
{ he blinks, looks away from guizhong, avoids her eyes. instead they lower, and his hand pulls away from hers to move to his neck. }
Do you know what a commodity code is?
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Date: 2025-12-25 04:41 pm (UTC)No.
[But Guizhong has a quick mind and with all context given so far... she has a feeling she can guess where this is going to go.]
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Date: 2025-12-25 04:50 pm (UTC)I was captured, passed from owner to owner, until I made a grand bet and landed myself a role within the IPC. People like me don't have the luxury of a happy ending, Guizhong. But... I want to stop other people getting caught in the crossfire if I can help it.
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Date: 2025-12-25 05:03 pm (UTC)You deserve that happy ending too, tiántián. [A squeeze, then she sits back and gives him a gentle look.]
What happened to you wasn't your fault. You're not worth less because of who you are.
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Date: 2025-12-25 05:08 pm (UTC)Every time I consider it something like this happens. As I told you, there's always a price.
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Date: 2025-12-25 05:12 pm (UTC)He gets another hug then, as she pulls him down to her instead of moving to reach him. Her fingers move gently into his hair, scritching softly against his scalp.]
I'm sorry, little one. That things have been so hard for you.
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Date: 2025-12-25 05:22 pm (UTC)Recently... there have been people who made me realise life can be worth living, but for a long time... I've just wanted it to be over. { he pauses } No matter how much I gambled on my life though, it never happened.
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Date: 2025-12-25 05:28 pm (UTC)[And it is cruel, she thinks, to give such a 'blessing' to somebody only for it to cause so much grief.
Her fingers comb gently through his hair again.]
I'm very glad to have been able to know you.
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Date: 2025-12-25 05:34 pm (UTC){ he doesn't even know where gaiathra triclops fits into the aeons for sure. generations of stories and no one outside of their own system knows of the mother goddess. but.
it isn't all that important, not really. }
I want to believe it. { he inhales, sharp, keeps his eyes shut. } But every one tends to leave when they realise it's more hassle than it's worth.
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Date: 2025-12-25 05:43 pm (UTC)[She quietly assures him of that, sure she's heard it said before, but she certainly means it.]
If you want to believe that just one person would think you worth the trouble, then believe I would. [Her palm runs gentle and warm against his back.]
You deserve to feel safe and happy. And I can be terribly stubborn.
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Date: 2025-12-25 06:13 pm (UTC)I... I've got that impression, yeah. { he tries to talk as he had though, keeps his voice steady and laughs in a way thaat's a juxtaposition to his body language. ]
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Date: 2025-12-25 06:19 pm (UTC)Though I have never been one to change for such things. [A little kiss against his hairline.] You can be quite certain of that.
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Date: 2025-12-25 06:42 pm (UTC){ he relaxes as her hands move back up, and she may notice a moment where his head nudges into hand not unlike a cat. a little nuzzle. }
I don't imagine you'd have been able to hook someone like Boothill otherwise, hmm? But... thanks. For what it's worth the sentiment is appreciated.
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Date: 2025-12-25 06:47 pm (UTC)[She does notice, and finds herself smiling. Her thumb draws a little circle into the nape of his neck.]
You are a sweet boy. And you can take it from someone who has known many people.
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Date: 2025-12-25 06:59 pm (UTC)so that's that. the yearning continues. }
There's a lot of people who would disagree with you on that, but... I've said enough for today.
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Date: 2025-12-25 07:01 pm (UTC)[Guizhong tilts her head so she can catch his eye.]
I haven't tired of hearing you speak; if there's more you want to say, I'll listen to you. Or you may ask me a question or two, to even things out.
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Date: 2025-12-25 08:03 pm (UTC)That depends, is there anything you wanted to share to even out the scales?
{ at least he doesn't avoid her eyes, but. she probably still won't be happy with what he says next. }
And don't worry about it, talking about what's happened won't change the past. And you really don't need to know the... unpleasant details. It's fine. This is just another setback, a loss in a string of wins. Next time it'll go better.
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Date: 2025-12-25 08:25 pm (UTC)I'll leave you with some secrets for the time being.
[(This is a threat.)
Then, thoughtfully.]
I will confess I have very little to hide, 't is simply that matters of my death and origins don't often come up in conversation.
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Date: 2025-12-25 08:54 pm (UTC){ she can probably tell that even if he's smiling, he's still not okay too. his head hurts, his heart hurts. he's tired. not in the sense of sleepiness, a deeper exhaustion that drags you into the quicksand. }
And I'd be worried if they did. Still... you said something about being an immortal being or something like that... what does that mean? You just live longer? Don't you get tired of it all?
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